The first lockdown 2020

2020 was the year when we first found ourselves face to face with an unknown enemy – covid. We were constantly in and out of lockdowns, and never imagined something could wipe away all social interactions. For most of us, it was spent in a haze, under unusually strenuous circumstances, filled with worry for family and safety. The lockdowns were long and uncertain, many of us were left stuck without families, in a state of constant vigil, and the uncertainty meant that patience was wearing thin.

I was one of those people, stuck in a city far away from home, unable to travel. Even though I was constantly in touch with family and close friends over calls and video, I was faced with a new sense of loneliness I couldn’t shake off. It painfully reminded me of the fact that I hadn’t met anyone or considered dating someone seriously, in a long time. Facing an uncertain lonely future, suddenly, a lot of my friends were planning to get married – couples were planning their wedding ceremonies, while the single ones were keen on meeting potential partners through dating apps or matrimony apps. Having so much time to spend by myself, I realised I had not given much thought to my personal life lately - meeting a potential partner, looking at a long term relationship.

Not that most of us plan these things, but considering the fact that we were in lockdown, and would not have the opportunity to meet anyone new in the near future, I felt this sense of loneliness growing. I used to think meeting someone “organically” (in my definition offline) was what I preferred – good old meeting friends of friends or hanging out in new circles. I wasn’t a big fan of dating apps, because it seemed like a big effort to make a profile, sift through prospective dating partners of whom you knew next to nothing (who may even be creepy), and then make an attempt at conversation. Far from meaningful, I was in no mood to make small talk around the weather or covid or lockdown.

The world of dating apps

I decided to give dating apps a shot – if nothing worked out, it would at least be a new experience. I wasn’t expecting magic to happen or meet my “soulmate”. I just wanted to know if there were people like me who were also looking for something similar in terms of a relationship. I spoke to a couple of people, and contrary to my expectations, I did end up having a few good conversations. I may have even met those people, if not for the lockdown.

But mind you, dating apps turned out to be hard work. You have to be active and keep trying to talk to more people. You’d be extremely lucky to have a decent conversation once in a while.

Over the course of time, I spoke to one person who actually made an effort to have a meaningful conversation outside of your regular ice-breakers, just easy talk. I found our conversations enjoyable and we started talking more regularly. Luckily, lockdown started to ease just around that time, and we both decided to meet within a week of talking. Both of us felt it was best to meet and see if we hit it off in person too. We met at a popular coffee shop, and despite our first time awkwardness, we ended up speaking for a long time. We had a lot in common and made each other laugh a lot too. I decided I wanted to get to know this person more, it was a really sweet feeling.

The days of unlock

Since it was still early days of the unlock, meeting often wasn’t possible. We decided to try a video date, few times a week. Both of us would agree on a day of the week, keep a drink ready after work and just chat about our day. We both felt very shy at first, but warmed up to the idea, slowly. We got to know more about each other’s work, hobbies, families. We started doing this more often – sometimes in the evenings, during lunch, or a quick break in between work calls – and kept getting to know a bit more each time – all virtually.

When things started to ease further, we hung out at each other’s places about once a week, cooking a meal together or making drinks, watching a new show or just going for walks. Two months in, we both felt that it was time to date seriously. It happened “organically” for us, we grew to like each other a lot, saw there was so much more we wanted to know about each other, and do so much more together.

With the opening up of restaurants and bars in the city, we started going out for dinners or meeting a small group of friends. We both got to know each other’s close friends, discovered food we both loved eating and made a list of places we wanted to travel to. Even though the general sentiment of gloom, after the first wave of the pandemic, seemed to ease, there was still a high level of uncertainty, so we were cautious and preferred to spend more time inside than out. Because of this, we ended spending so much more time in each other’s company at home, which we wouldn’t have done in other circumstances. It was just about getting used to each other’s daily routines and being a part of the most mundane parts of life – cooking, cleaning and just surviving the lockdown safely.

In between, we got the chance to take a short weekend trip together – and it was pure joy – going out after the longest time, spent stuck inside the house. We learnt more about each other on this vacation away from our usual routines – how we both loved going to beaches and discovering restaurants in a new city. This trip was something we were both looking forward to, it was a refreshing break, and this shared joy made us more fond of each other.

When we both got the chance to make separate trips to our home towns, we realised more and more how much we missed each other and grew closer. We regularly spoke over video and waited eagerly for each other to return.

In sickness and in health?

One time, we both got a stomach flu from something we ate at a restaurant and fell sick. It was still scary to go to a hospital, so we spoke to a doctor over the phone and started recovering at home. I realised how much I hated being sick alone before this, and it made me cherish his company so much during that time.

I also had my own ups and downs dealing with fear and anxiety about the pandemic, about health, about the future, like so many others. But I found a constant source of comfort and compassion in his relaxed and cheerful demeanour.

Second wave 2021

Soon after, we were hit by the worst second wave of covid that no one had foreseen, and a harsh lockdown followed. Staying alone was a scary prospect, so I decided to pack a few things and stay at his place. The atmosphere all around was quite gloomy and much darker than the previous wave. Meanwhile, this was a new thing we would be attempting, living together. But time flew by when we were together, we made new rituals to pass the time and found our own little bubble of normalcy. We would wind down for the night after work, order some food or look up places we’d visit once everything was over.

Meeting the parents

By this time, we had been together a couple of months and both our partners knew we were looking at something serious together. One of the days of the long lockdown, he fell very sick, unexpectedly. We had been quite exhausted with all the housework and ended up ordering food from outside most times. It was a scary episode, and in the middle of the strictest lockdown, I didn’t know what to do. Doctors on the phone said it was covid and wrote multiple tests. After two days of no relief, we found a doctor who told us it was actually food poisoning and we could start the right medicine. During this anxious time, I ended up speaking to his parents multiple times in the day, to help manage the situation and also assuage their fears. My own parents were worried about the situation, too. But, it was another silent milestone for us, getting to know each other’s parents.

Moving in so fast!

After facing yet another lockdown, we decided to move in together. Many of our friends felt it was early or hurried, but we knew we had got to know each other deeply over the last few months, in a way that wouldn’t have been possible under different circumstances. Setting up a home together was a new experience and another exciting milestone for us. It was a whole new way of knowing and observing each other’s habits and preferences very closely.

Today, there’s talk of an imminent third wave and I don’t know how many more are yet to come. But, having grown and survived together through the pandemic and its lockdowns, we have faced the worst circumstances together, which has only made us stronger. And now, nearly a year later, we are so grateful to have found each other and would have it no other way. It happened in the most unexpected of ways and gave us something to look forward to, even during the worst times. In the truest sense of the phrase, we became a lockdown couple.

Cheers!